Monday, October 31, 2011
Senarai Pengedar Kami
Monday, October 24, 2011
Memilih Pelumas Yang Baik Dan Benar
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Negotiated Infidelity...yes please!
Yes, I’ve always been a bold supporter of polygamy. My stance had nothing to do with the fact that my father sired 22 children from several women some of whom were once his wives at the same time (by the time I started being aware of anything, they had all become ex-wives except my biological mother).
My stance also had nothing to do with the fact that my Kings in Swaziland have been envied by other men worldwide for always having had up to more than 15 wives at a time.
Anyway to me polygamy has always been the most practical relationship management system considering that history has proven over and over again that men find it hard to have sex (not love) with the same woman over a prolonged period of time.
The French have always had their mistresses for instance. And even with those men who claim moral high ground supported by biblical verses and religious scriptures; married pastors, bishops, Imams and whatever else they call themselves….their kind is to this day found in compromising positions with other people’s wives or single women and girls… even underage boys in some instances.
“Very much unlike you to support such an absurd and outdated practice” some people told me. Even this particular ex of mine was shocked when I put this proposal to him in the early days of your relationship.
He honestly thought I was asking him a trick question when I said “Baby what do you think of polygamy ‘cause I honestly think it’s practical and wouldn’t mind it…as long as it happens when I’m 50, menopausal and generally just rubbish at giving you sexual (and other) attention?” .
In the end though he was convinced that my proposal was genuine and sincere even saying how my proposal had given him “another beautiful reason why I WILL marry you”, he said. Yes I said he’s my ex…boyfriend. He cheated on me. With a married woman (so there...women cheat too).
Every woman who’s been cheated on knows that the answer to that question is “No, baby it’s just…”
And my male friends have confirmed that most of the time their straying ways are based solely on lust “Otherwise why would I come back home to be with the woman I love, the woman who respects and loves me?” they say.
But knowing me, for my peace of mind, I would just leave it at assuming - never to call and find out for sure. I love peace.
It was and still is very much common and ‘normal’ for young educated professional women to date married often ‘rich’ men. “Indvodza licatsa, uyaluma ushiyele lomunye”, (a man is a piece of meat, you take a bite and share with others) my friends would say.
Some of my friends upgraded from dating to eventually marrying these pieces of meat so it really made sense.
Polygamy for me has always been the ish. Only up until I heard for the first time this week on National Geographic's Taboo about “negotiated infidelity”.
For me it addresses the issues raised against polygamy by many feminists, gender equality activists and romantics; “it’s impossible to love more than one person and share yourself equally as a man with all these women. Polygamy makes women’s feelings and emotions inferior to those of the man”.
In hindsight, thanks to this negotiated infidelity thingy…I agree, the feelings of jealousy and feeling inadequate from sharing a man are real, strong and hard to ignore in a polygamous.
Enter Negotiated Infidelity
Here each spouse is permitted by the other spouse to have sex with anyone, as long it happens within the couple’s home….and wait for it…during the presence of the other spouse.
No doofus, the other spouse doesn’t watch or anything. It’s not Swinging remember? He just chills in the lounge or does the gardening until the two are done.
And in fact he does that after welcoming his wife’s ‘guest’, pours him some wine and ushers them into their bed and vice versa. The same pleasantries are exchanged after ‘the session’ and that’s it. Done. Back to being a happy couple.
The most important rules are 1) no sleep-over 2) no romantic getaways 3) no spooning.
Practical
That’s when her journey to coining “negotiated infidelity” started. After the young mistress was dumped, she put up an online advert about how attractive and charming she was and that she would require a generous allowance (US$1,000 a week) from men interested in spending intimate time with her…even cook for them if they wanted that, but strictly no strings attached.
A whooping 11, 000 responses to that advert. She only took five customers from whose experiences she wrote her first self-help book Sugarbabe.
Their only comfort here and I agree, is that that this fear is ever present even in monogamous relationships/marriages.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Cup Team and Mission of Mercy Saving Lives
Lomasontfo is a beautiful 12 year old girl full of confidence. She is currently top of her class and reflects gratefulness for all she has. If you were to look at Lomasontfo today you would never have realized that she almost died 3 years back.
Lomasontfo had a quick growing tumor on the left side of her jaw. What started as a small swollen bump would soon consume the left side of her face. A double orphan,
Lomasontfo lived in a mud and stick hut with older brothers and sisters who were scrambling to take of their own children. Many times left to fend for herself, the food served at the CarePoint became her only meal for the day.
As the tumor grew bigger her family would send her into town begging for food and money from onlooker who would take pity on her.
While the tumor was still small Lomasontfo was discovered during a routine Children’s Cup mobile Medical Clinic at the CarePoint. Children’s Cup medical teams assertively search for doctors all over Swaziland who would know how to treat this growing mass. After months of taking Lomasontfo from one doctor to another it was concluded we needed to seek medical treatment in South Africa.
As Children’s Cup prepared medical and visa papers to go to South Africa we endured obstacle after obstacle for months. For a time it appeared like a hopeless situation. As the tumor grew we feared that she would die before we were even able to get her treatment in South Africa.
But the Lord heard our cry for help!
With the generous special medical funding from Mission of Mercy for children with extreme medical needs we were able to take Lomasontfo to a hospital in South Africa. She traveled back and forth for months visiting doctors. When it came time to treat the tumor they had to remove half of her jaw and insert a metal plate to reform her jaw. With the accompaniment of a diligent missionary, Lomasontfo stayed in the hospital for a month and a half, and after surgery had her mouth wired shut for 6 weeks.
Following the initial surgery there were frequent follow up visits to the doctor in South Africa. Today it is barley noticeable that anything is wrong. We continue to take her yearly to the doctor in South Africa with the prospect of another surgery when she is older.
Lomasontfo was an extra mouth to feed at her home and we watch her struggle to survive. God put the needs of Lomasontfo on the heart of a local business lady with a husband and family. This family from the same community she was living in saw the needs of Lomasontfo and took her inside their house as one of their own. Lomasontfo is now receiving the love and support a child needs to thrive. No longer looking for her next meal and knowing the love of a family the transformat
ion in Lomasontfo is unbelievable.
She is now healthy not only in body, but also in mind and spirit. From the very start we watch an orphaned child used to being ignored and fended for herself, to a child who now know the care and love from others. Lomasontfo, a child who would eat everything in sight and hoard food, now know that another meal will come again.
The Lord truly hears our cries and provides for our needs! The Lord’s provision of His children shines bright through Lomasontfo’s life, and it’s only the beginning. Lomasontfo who was literally rescued out of a hopeless situation has a bright future!